When the girl and her mom got to the bank, the teller was equally impressed and asked the little girl how she had come by her very own pay check at such a young age. The little girl proudly replied, 'I worked last week with a real construction crew building the new house next door to us.'

'Oh my goodness gracious,' said the teller, 'and will you be working on the house again this week, too?'

The little girl replied, 'I will, if those assholes at Home Depot ever deliver the fuckin' sheet rock.'

So, the blonde went home, got down on her hands and knees and started blowing into her car's tailpipe. Nothing happened. She blew a little harder, and still nothing happened. Her roommate, another blonde, came home and said, "What are you doing?"

The first blonde told her how the repairman had instructed her to blow into the tailpipe in order to get the dents to pop out.

Her roommate rolled her eyes and said, "HELLLLOOOO!!!You need to roll up the windows first."

"Hey, check it out, did you see that chick down there sun bathing by the river?"

And the guy says, "yeah, I know, she's my wife."

"Wow", he says, "did you know that she ain't got no clothes on?"

The guy says, "yeah, I know, she can do anything she wants. We're on our honeymoon."

So, he says, "your honeymoon? Well damn man, if it's your honeymoon don't you think you should be getting some of that pussy...looks to me like she's ready."

"Nope", he says, "she's got gonorrhea."

"I'm thinking anal....."

"Nothing doing sir, she's got diarrhea too", was the guys reply.

And he said, "well, maybe she would suck your dick."

"Well, that's not going to happen," the man sighs, "she has pyorrhea as well."

"What kind of moron are you?", he replied, "lets see, your new wife has gonorrhea, diarrhea, pyorrhea ... why in the world would you marry a sick bitch like that? What's she good for ?"

To which the guy replied, "Well, she's got worms and I like to fish."

Guests arrive, and all is going well, with the children having a wonderful time. But, the clown has not shown up and finally, the clown calls to report that he is stuck in traffic and will probably not make the party at all.

The woman is very disappointed and unsuccessfully tries to entertain the children herself. She happens to look out the window and sees one of the bums doing cartwheels across the lawn. She watches in awe as he swings from tree branches, does midair flips and leaps high in the air.

She speaks to the other bum and says, "What your friend is doing is absolutely marvelous. I have never seen such a thing. Do you think your friend would consider repeating this performance for the children at the party? I would pay him $50!" Other bum says, "Well, I dunno. Let me ask him." He then turned to Willie and yelled, "Hey Willie! For $50, would you chop off another toe?"

"Well, I got this cream from the doctor, he said if I rub it on my breasts it will make them bigger" she replies.

The husband says " Why don't you just rub your titties with toilet paper, that's done wonders for your ass!"

Finally arriving at the counter and grabbing it for support, she asks the sales clerk, "Ddddooo youuuu hhhave ddddildosss?"

The clerk, politely trying not to burst out laughing, replies: "Yes we do have dildos. Actually we carry many models."

The old woman then asks: Dddddoooo yyyouuuu sssell aaa pppinkk one, tttenn inchessss lllong aaandd aabboutt tttwoo inchesss thththiiickkk?"

The clerk responds, "Yes we do".

The old woman then replies: "Ccccccannnn yyyyouuuu tttelll mmmmeeee howwww ttttoooo ttturrrnnn ttthe ffuucccckkkkinggg ttthingggg offffff?"

They go in and Boudreaux says with his best fake Texas accent, "I'll take 50 of them suits at $5.00 each, 100 of them there shirts at $2.00 each, and 50 pairs of them there trousers at $2.50 each. I'll back up my pickup and ...."

The owner of the shop interrupts, "Y'all are from Louisiana, ain't you?"

"Well...yeah," says a surprised Boudreaux. "How come you know dat!?"

"Because this is a dry-cleaners."

The 94-year-old yells back, "I don't know. I'll come up and see." So she starts up the stairs and pauses "Was I going up the stairs or going down?"

The 92-year-old is sitting at the kitchen table having tea listening to her sisters She shakes her head and says, "I sure hope I never get that forgetful, knock on wood."

She then yells to the other sisters, "'I'll come up and help both of you as soon as I see who's at the door!"

He said, "That's all right, we'll learn about each other as we go along."

So she consented, they were married, and off they went on a honeymoon at a very nice resort.

One morning they were lying by the pool, when he got up off of his towel, climbed up to the 10 meter board and did a two and a half tuck, followed by three rotations in the pike position, at which point he straightened out and cut the water like a knife.

After a few more demonstrations, he came back and lay down on the towel.

She said, "That was incredible!"

He said, "I used to be an Olympic diving champion. You see, I told you we'd learn more about each other as we went along."

So she got up, jumped in the pool and started doing lengths.

After seventy-five lengths she climbed out of the pool, lay down on her towel, and was hardly out of breath.

He said, "That was incredible! Were you an Olympic endurance swimmer?"

"Oh no," she said, "I was a prostitute in Memphis but I worked both sides of the Mississippi."